Where Threads Come Loose
"The Red Tape Waltz: A Titanic Trio Epic!, Part I and Part II

The Recording Script

• See Part I
Part II Intro:

Announcer: As you remember from last issue, our heroes, The Titanic Trio, had fallen into the clutches of a mysterious figure in the upper echelons of Pretty Big City University. The Strange Arranger is held fast in the horrors of a University Orientation Tour. The Watery Grave suffers at the University Clinic. And, through petty larceny, Magnifisplendertastic Man has become a dark version of himself. Will our heroes manage to overcome their various dilemmas in 27 scant minutes? I sure hope so, because anything beyond that will be left on the cutting room floor. Let's join the Strange Arranger in the conclusion of "The Red Tape Waltz."

Art by Audry Wolters
SCENE I: On Tour.

Brian: Now let's see: we've covered the magic of vending machines, the Dewey Decimal system, how to use a locker and the many uses of recycling bins. I think we should learn about the miracle of student care packages.

Strange Arranger: Yes, I must know of these things.

Brian: Each and every student gets a package from the Office of Student Affairs. It comes in this colorful box. Isn't it pretty?

Strange Arranger: Yes, very pretty.

Brian: But there's more! Inside the box is a wide assortment...can you say assortment?

Strange Arranger: Assortment.

Brian: Very good. You're learning quickly. Anyway, a wide assortment of American wonders are nestled in this box. Look in amazement.

Strange Arranger: Oooh!

Brian: All of these incredible objects are yours to use. We have chewing gum, tissues, deodorant (but I guess you've never seen that before), wax paper, liniment, paraffin wax, pencils, moist towelettes...

Strange Arranger: Moist?

Brian: ...A handy book of common phrases, a ruler, iron filings, rubber cement...

Strange Arranger: Moist? Who do I know that is moist?

Brian: ...A scale model of the Lusitania, corn meal, plastic forks...

Strange Arranger: Moist... moist... WATERY GRAVE!

Brian: ...a condiments of the world sampler set, a tire pressure gauge, tongue depressors...

Strange Arranger: Where am I? What is going on? It is all coming back to me. Watery Grave was dragged off to the University Clinic. There is no telling what horrors he faces as I soliloquize. I must go rescue him!

Brian: ...a quill pen with genuine ink, a stapler, an autographed photo of Grover Cleveland...

Strange Arranger: Pardon me.

Brian: Yes? Do you have a question? I understand that people from your part of the world are just chock full of questions.

Strange Arranger: Yes we are. Your box of student products is indeed a marvel. It reminds me of the mystical artifacts and arcane conjurations of my own native land.

Brian: To the untrained foreign mind, I'm sure our technology is like magic.

Strange Arranger: Speaking of magic, would you care to see a feat of prestidigitation from parts unknown?

Brian: It doesn't involve a lock of my hair or chicken blood, does it?

Strange Arranger: No, nothing that simple, my American friend. Behold! The deck of Legerdemain!

Brian: Wow, that sure does look like something magical. I feel all eerie just looking at it.

Strange Arranger: As well you should. Using my foreign arts, I will make these cards do unbelievable things.

Brian: (reading) Bye-Sye-Kull. What does that mean in your language?

Strange Arranger: Um, "Death to all who would ask silly questions".

Brian: Oh.

Strange Arranger: Now! I shuffle the mystical deck, (SFX:shuffle cards) Now I repeat the sacred words: "Pick a card. Pick any card!"

Brian: Um, okay.

Strange Arranger: Now look at it. Memorize the figures.
Brian: Okay.

Strange Arranger: I'll be back in a little while to finish the trick. Bye-bye.

Brian: Um. alright. (Pause, B shouts) Hey! What are these heart-shaped things?

SCENE II: Clinic

Announcer: And so the Strange Arranger has escaped! Running blindly through the maze of halls, byways, and University organization picket lines, he makes his way toward the student clinic. But could he be too late? Has the Watery Grave succumbed to the vile ministrations of the Immunization Department? Let's find OUT!

(SFX:WG is mumbling in his sleep)

Lab Worker 2: Is he awake yet?

Lab Worker 1: From which fainting do you mean? I've lost count.

Lab Worker 2: This is the last straw! Go put some gloves on. If he faints again, we're going to give him the shot anyway.

Lab Worker 1: I'm taking this up with the union tomorrow. I'm not supposed to touch icky things.

Lab Worker 2: Just do it!

Watery Grave: Oooh...

Lab Worker 2: Now you listen here: are you going to take this shot like a good little flounder, or are we going to have to get rough?

Watery Grave: Don't you have any of that pink Kool-Aid stuff I could take instead? I crave its nummy fruit flavor.

Lab Worker 2: No! This is a shots-only clinic.

Watery Grave: Oh. I, uh, don't think I'm in good enough shape for that shot. I'm sick...cough, cough.

Strange Arranger: I am seeing Watery Grave from here. How can I save him from those phlebotomists of evil? Hmm. Perhaps a disguise is called for...

Watery Grave: I also have this weird clicking sound in my jaw when I whistle. I think my teeth are loose...
Lab Worker 2: This shot will clear all that up.

Strange Arranger: Excuse me, but I am coming to remove this patient.

Lab Worker 2: Who are you?

Strange Arranger: I am...um...a marine biologist, as you can tell from my clipboard and white lab coat. I need to prep this patient stat.

Lab Worker 2: I don't remember calling a marine biologist.

Strange Arranger: They told me at HQ that this man needs 100 cc's of Dexahydrodramamine.

Lab Worker 2: Well...

Strange Arranger: I have, um, these forms here. They will all be in order.

Lab Worker 2: Let me see those. (SFX: papers shuffle) They do look in order.

Watery Grave: NO! Don't make me go with him!

Strange Arranger: (gritted teeth time) Ixnay on the an-play.

Lab Worker 2: I'm sorry I doubted you, doctor. He's all yours and good riddance.

Watery Grave: Help! I don't want to go! I'll take my shot. This strange man will do unspeakable things to my aquatic person!

Strange Arranger: It's e-may, the Anger-stray arranger-ay.

Lab Worker 2: What was that?

Strange Arranger: Technical terms. You wouldn't understand.

Lab Worker 2: Okey-dokey. We'll undo the straps and send you on your way.

Lab Worker 1: I'm not doing it!

Lab Worker 2: You'll do it and you'll give me a sunny smile in the process!

Strange Arranger: Never fear, I will do it myself.

Watery Grave: Don't touch me! Arrgh! This land-dweller's touch is foreign to me!

Strange Arranger: Shh! It's e-may! Ut-shay your outh-may!

Watery Grave: Speak English, you terran devil!

Strange Arranger: Well we must be going. I have many experiments to perform.

Lab Worker 2: Make sure you use lots of electrical shocks and pointy things. This one has been nothing but trouble.

Watery Grave: Help! Help me someone!
(SFX: door open/close)
Watery Grave: Alright you monster! Do your worst! I'm ready for it.

Strange Arranger: Do not fear my friend, for under this white lab coat, I am the Strange Arranger!

Watery Grave: What? Why that's the best disguise I've ever seen! I never recognized you! How do you do it?

Strange Arranger: Um, ancient Chinese secret. But we have more pressing business. Do you know what happened to Magnifisplendertastic Man?

Announcer: Indeed, what has become of our musclebound hero? What unspeakable deeds of malice unfold even as I speak? The answer lies in Le Petite Chien Hall as Magnifisplendertastic Man utilizes a campus phone.

SCENE III. Campus Phone.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Now punch in 8, plus my social security number, the pythagorean theorem, and finally the phone number of my unsuspecting victim.

(SFX: Phone rings)

Eugene: Hello?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Hello. Is this Eugene Flanghammer?

Eugene: Yes it is.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Good! Excuse me for calling, Mr. Flanghammer, but I need to ask you an important question.

Eugene: Yes?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Is your refrigerator running?

Eugene: Yes it is.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Then you'd better let him out! (SFX:Receiver slams) Ahahaha! The corrupt liquor of darkness flows through me like syrup through an Icee machine! It beckons to me with the siren voice of Lucille Ball. I must engage in more zany evil. Aha! My prey approaches. Excuse me, college student.

College Kid: Me?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Yes you with the Blind Melon shoelaces. It appears that you have dropped your pocket.

College Kid: Oh no! I need my pocket...hey wait a minute...

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Ahahaha! What's this on your shirt?

College Kid: What?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: BINK! Ahahaha!

College Kid: Hey man...

Magnifisplendertastic Man: (childish voice) Got your nose. Yes I do, I've got your nose...

College Kid: Stop that!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: I drink of your confusion as Orson Welles sipped 1982 Zinfandel! But the darkness in me is not yet satisfied! It calls for more, like a drunken fan in the bleachers of a Milwaukee Brewers game.

College Kid: What are you talking about?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Quickly! Put on this Burger King foil crown which I received free with purchase!

College Kid: NO! Help! Help!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Put it on, I say! The dark annoyance demands it!]

College Kid: Help!

Strange Arranger: Put that academic down in the name of the Titanic Trio!

Watery Grave: Yeah! Just who do you think you are?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Who am I? Away from me, scholar!

College Kid: Oof!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Gaze upon my benighted form and tremble!

Strange Arranger: Gasp! It cannot be!]

Watery Grave: Hey, That looks like...no wait, it isn't.

Strange Arranger: What do you mean? It is obviously Magnifisplendertastic Man, for whom we have been searching for the past two pages of script.

Watery Grave: No, it's just some over-muscled guy in a spandex suit wearing a foil crown.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Ha! I crumple this cheap restaurant hat in a shade-tainted meaty fist! (SFX: paper crumples)

Watery Grave: Gibbering Gibbons! It is Magnifisplendertastic Man!

Strange Arranger: Yes, our companion is...Gibbering gibbons?

Watery Grave: It's a sidekick thing. Don't question it.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: If you two are quite finished, I have to be going. The dark goads me to ever-increasing mischief!

Strange Arranger: What happened to you, Magnifisplendertastic Man? Why are the double M's on your chest upside-down?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: They have been reversed by the evil around me and have completed my transmogrification into the Dark Magnifisplendertastic Man!

Strange Arranger: It looks like two W's.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: They are M's. They are simply reversed like myself.

Strange Arranger: But they're not reversed, they're upside down.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Yes! Upside down like my worldview! The universe is topsy-turvy!

Watery Grave: Maybe he should change his name to Wonderdynambulous Wight.

Strange Arranger: Or he could turn the suit right-side-up and sew a D next to the M's...

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Enough! I have much to do. Accompany me on my new agenda, my friends. Join the dark and taste its tangy zip!

Strange Arranger: But we are heroes! Why don't you come back to the side of right and we will get to the bottom of this horrible experiment in higher education.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Never! I have kissed the mouth of malevolence and my lips are sticky with the Blistex of evil! Stay out of my way or be annoyed out of existence!

Watery Grave: Uh Arranger? If we get into a fight with him, I'll take the cape and you take the rest.

Strange Arranger: Listen to me, Magnifisplendertastic Man. It is not too late. Come back to goodness and together we will search out the source of our suffering.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Fools! The dark is too strong! The dark eats your type for breakfast, goes out for a jog and then has a lovely set of tennis. I am irredeemable!

Strange Arranger: But what about our sworn causes? What about truth? Justice? Freedom? (SFX:patriotic music) Who will stem the tide of evil? Who dares stare darkness in the eye and demand it yield? We do. Heroes are all that bar evil's way. Here Watery Grave. Take this piece of pie.

Watery Grave: What am I supposed to do with it?

Strange Arranger: Hold it under his nose.

Watery Grave: I'm not getting within a hundred feet of...

Strange Arranger: Just do it!

Watery Grave: Get a sniff of this, MM.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: (Trance-like) Mmmm. Appley goodness...

Strange Arranger: That's right. All who wish to breathe free must look to heroes. Ours is a bounden duty. We must never falter. We must rise up and stop this madness wherever it rears its ill-combed head.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: I don't know...I do like the kooky scene that is petty annoyance...

Strange Arranger: Fight that urge! Fight it for truth! Fight it for decency! Fight it for your mother!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Mama?

Watery Grave: Can I eat this?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Arrgh! (SFX: explosion) I am free! Free of the taint of trivial misdemeanor. Free, I say. Free!

Strange Arranger: Hooray!

Watery Grave: (through mouth full of pie) Oh...Hooray!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Watery, Arranger. I am back to my old crime-battling self.

Strange Arranger: Excellent, my friend. What shall we do now?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: We must find the wily source of this wily goose chase.

Watery Grave: But how? We couldn't even find our way out of the building.

Strange Arranger: Never fear. I learned much on my (pause) tour. I can get us anywhere we need to go on campus. But where is it we are going?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: To the lair of the beast. (pause) Back to the registration office.


Announcer: Meanwhile, back at the Hyundai, the Meter Maid continues to fine the Trio for improper parking and various other moving and non-moving violations...

Meter Maid: And two more tickets for the cheap vinyl seat covers. And one for having a (SFX: glass break) headlight out. And another for this (SFX: smaller glass break) tiny crack in the windshield. And another for the scratched leather steering wheel. And another for the ... (her voice fades out as music for next scene comes up)

SCENE IV. Registration office.

Nickel Boy: At last, I, Stanforth Makepeace, alias Nickel Boy, have achieved immortality in the annals of villiandom. Through my bureaucratic devices, I have eliminated the Titanic Trio! Bwahaha! No longer will they stand in my path toward world economic domination.

(SFX: door bangs open)
Magnifisplendertastic Man: So you thought, evil-doer! But we have returned to thwart your evil scheme!

Nickel Boy: Who are you?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Why it is I, Magnifisplendertastic Man! I just talked to you last issue. Don't you remember?

Nickel Boy: Oh yes. I didn't recognize you with your suit on upside-down.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Oops! Um, Arranger? Watery? Take over for a minute.

Strange Arranger: Certainly. The jig is, how you say, up, Nickel Boy. We have come to deal with you and your accursed plot devices.

Nickel Boy: But wait...

Watery Grave: Save you buts for the police.
Nickel Boy: But you're making a terrible mistake.
Strange Arranger: Your line, MM.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Oof, ungh! Just a few seconds yet. Keep your backs turned until I'm ready. A thousand curses on this girdle...

All: What?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Um, nothing!

Strange Arranger: Give us one good reason why you should not be incarcerated.

Nickel Boy: Because I am not the mastermind of this particular caper. I am but a nickel-collecting pawn in the grand scheme.

Watery Grave: Then who is?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Yes. Who is it then, Nickel Boy?

Strange Arranger: Um, MM?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Yes.

Strange Arranger: Your slip is showing.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Thanks, I...Never mind that! Nickel Boy, produce this shadowy kingpin.

Hassler: Oh never mind dat, den. I'm here right now.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: And who are you, you bad seed?

Hassler: You can just call me the Hassler, den.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: I should have known. I've never seen anyone hassle mo'.

Strange Arranger: But why have you done all this to us?

Watery Grave: Yeah. I only wanted to take a few classes.

Hassler: So you don't recognize me, den?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: No. Should we?

Hassler: I'm going to tell you all a little story, den. All will become clear, you betcha.

Watery Grave: Oooh. A story!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Be quiet, Watery.
(SFX:nostalgic music)
Hassler: I was but a little boy in the town of St. Sanxi the Easily Frightened in Sweden. I would play happy games of "Twiddle my Fiddle" and fish for crabs in the fjords...

Strange Arranger: There are no fjords in Sweden.

Hassler: Hey, whose story is dis, den?

Strange Arranger: I am deeply sorry.

Hassler: It's alright, den. Anyhoo, I wanted nothing more than to have a little puppy that I could call my own. I would name him Hansel after my sister and we would run and skip through the Schwartzwald...

Strange Arranger: But isn't the Schwartzwald indeed in Germany?

Hassler: I haf already warned you about interrupting. One more and I won't tell you the story and you will die a grisly death in ignorance.

Watery Grave: Aw don't break in, Arranger. I wanna hear the end.

Strange Arranger: Fine. Let's just let geography fly out the window. I wash my hands of the whole affair.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Excellent idea, my companion. Clean hands are the calling card of a good superhero.

Hassler: May I continue?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Certainly! Narrate to your heart's content.

Hassler: Okey dokey. I saved up box tops from Bjorn Flakes until I had enough to send away for my beloved Hansel. I waited and waited, but my puppy never came. I was so distraught that I was going to throw myself from the White Cliffs of Dover. (pause) Do you have something to say, Strange Arranger?

Strange Arranger: (put upon) No.

Hassler: Good. My depression faded to anger, and I swore I would get my revenge on those who would deny me my Hansel. I spent years planning and plotting. I traced all my steps back to the source. And can anyone guess what that source was?

Nickel Boy: Oooh. I know, I know! Call on me!

Hassler: Let's give someone else a chance to answer, Nickel Boy. Anyone else know?

All: Um, cough, uh, etc.

Hassler: It was you, you morons! You are the source of all my pain!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: That's crazy talk! I've never been to Sweden.

Strange Arranger: Nor I, though I hear it is a tourist's paradise.

Watery Grave: I haven't been there either, but I would like to see the Eiffel Tower there.

Hassler: Yes, it is the best one in Europe.

Strange Arranger: Oooh!

Hassler: Enough! It has to be you! I eliminated all the other possible culprits. And when you eliminate all other possibilities, whatever remains, however improbable, must be the truth.

Watson: Brilliant, Holmes! However did you deduce that?

Hassler: Hey, this isn't your show. You're supposed to be five episodes back.

Watson: Eh what? Oh. So sorry. I'll just be off then.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: But we are innocent. Let us take you to Dr. Corpuscle's Institute for the Advanced Studieren of Really Strange Peoples. he will help you with your megalomaniacal delusions.

Hassler: Never! I didn't become the President of this University just so I could host fundraisers and make powderpuff comments to the press. I'll destroy you all in the name of Hansel!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: How will you do it, you evil fiend?

Hassler: I challenge you Magnifisplendertastic Man...(pause, dramatic music) The Red Tape Waltz!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: So be it, then.

Hassler: Step into the center of the registration office, and we shall begin! (pause) Maestro?

Conductor: A-one and a two-a (SFX: Waltz begins)

Hassler: And now, Magnifisplendertastic Man. You must sign...this form!

(Note: After every development in the waltz, "Sound Effects Wrangler" says the appropriate line)

Sound Effects Wrangler: Whammo!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Oof! Well, I, uh, already signed it!

Sound Effects Wrangler: Zowie!

Hassler: Ouch! Well, then. Perhaps you neglected the numbered circles in the lower corner!

Sound Effects Wrangler: Kapow!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: OW! I didn't neglect them. I filled them in to correspond with my age, sex, and ethnic group!

Sound Effects Wrangler: Crunch!

Hassler: Arrgh! But did you use a number 2 pencil?

Sound Effects Wrangler: Crack!

Strange Arranger: Go get him, MM! Collate his files! Give him the carbon paper treatment!

Watery Grave: Say, Nickel Boy, why did you join forces with the Hassler anyway?

Nickel Boy: Let me tell you, the work is hard, but the benefits are great! I get two weeks paid vacation, full medical coverage, including dental, and all bank holidays off.

Watery Grave: Really? (pause) Uh? Go Hassler! White him out! Fax him to kingdom come!

Hassler: That certified slip from the major office was a neat trick, Magnifisplendertastic Man, but it will do you no good. I'll need a signed parental permission slip...

Sound Effects Wrangler: Smack!

Hassler: ...two forms of identification...

Sound Effects Wrangler: Kerblooey!

Hassler: ...a birth certificate...

Sound Effects Wrangler: Bam!

Hassler: ...and one of those yellow forms the library uses for scratch paper!

Sound Effects Wrangler: Rat-a-tat-tat!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Oooh, that smarts!

Hassler: And don't even think about dropping that class. It's too late in the quarter and even I cannot lift the amount of paperwork involved! Ahahaha!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: He's got me. Could it be that I, Magnifisplendertastic Man, am defeated? Could the awesome might of the Hassler has crushed my heroic body beyond all hope of recovery?

Announcer: Hey, those are my lines!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Oh. Sorry.

Announcer: You should be. Has our hero taken all a hero can withstand? Is the situation indeed hopeless?

Hassler: Yield to me, Magnifisplendertastic Man. Join my army so that I can crush your puny soul through long hours of xeroxing and coffee brewing.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: I must yiel...Hold the phone! I have it!

Hassler: What?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: You have no power over me!

Hassler: What do you mean?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: I never completed my payment for class! Nickel Boy demanded that I complete my payment of a nickel, but I never had a chance to. Here are the bittersweet fruits of my crime!

Hassler: Is this true, Nickel Boy?

Nickel Boy: Um. Yes.

Hassler: Then it is so! My toothsome revenge spoiled for the want of five cents! The regents will flay me alive! I promised them three heroes in exchange for their support of U 2020! Arrgh!

Nickel Boy: So you're angry.
Hassler: Of course I'm angry, you buffoon! My career is ruined!

Nickel Boy: Well, I'll just be going to lunch then.

Hassler: Yes. Go on it and stay on it! You're fired!

Nickel Boy: Oh my benefits! My lovely benefits!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Surrender, Hassler, and we will do our best to rehabilitate you from your paper-shuffling ways.

Hassler: I suppose it was inevitable. I'll sign a confession. Would you sharpen this pencil for me?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Certainly. Now where is that pencil sharpener?

Hassler: Ha-ha! Now I will make good my escape! To the window! (SFX: window breaks) I shall re- (SFX:loud thump)

Strange Arranger: Alas, a horrible plunge to a horrible death.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: A tragic end for a tragic man. But be of good cheer, my companions! We have won the day!

Strange Arranger: Congratulations, MM.

Watery Grave: Yeah, uh, we never doubted you for a minute.

Nickel Boy: But what about me, Nickel Boy?

Magnifisplendertastic Man: You are under citizen's arrest. Come with us to the Hyundai.

Watery Grave: But it's already crowded in there!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Nevertheless, he comes with us.

Watery Grave: Okay. But he sits on the hump.


Announcer: Meanwhile, back at the Hyundai, we hear the Meter Maid say...

Meter Maid: And two more tickets for the cheap vinyl seat covers. And one for potentially speeding, which would be a very serious charge if the car was actually moving right now. And a $150 fine for the fuzzy dice hanging from the rear-view mirror—I hate those things. And another ticket for being parked facing northwest on a Thursday in a month with an R in it. Oh dear—My pen's out of ink. Third one I've run dry today, on this car alone! Good thing I stopped at Phil's Bargain Warehouse of Ballpoint Pens this morning. Here's another ticket for being parked at a slight angle. And another for that Pat Boone cassette sticking out of the car stereo. And another for the—what's that I see? The Titanic Trio is on their way back to their vehicle! My work here is done. Zoom away, Meter Maid! Back to headquarters for more supervillainy! And then, after work, a relaxing evening of backgammon.

SCENE V. On the street.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: I think we have done an admirable days work, my companions. Now into the Hyundai. A quick stop to drop off Nickel Boy at the police station and then banana smoothies back at the Super Secret Vault of Peace!

Strange Arranger: But where is the Hyundai? I see nothing here but a large pile of paper.
Magnifisplendertastic Man: That's odd. I could have sworn we parked right here.

Watery Grave: Hey! All these slips are parking tickets. Our car is somewhere underneath all these citations.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: No matter. We shall clear them away and accept their nullification as payment for a job well done.

Watery Grave: Uh, it looks like they took the engine too.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: The villains! What do we do now?

Strange Arranger: Perhaps we should push it back to the Super Secret Vault of Peace.

Magnifisplendertastic Man: An excellent plan! Nickel Boy, get in! You steer and we'll push.

Watery Grave: No fair! We're the heroes, he's the no-goodnik!

Magnifisplendertastic Man: Grab the bumper, Watery. Are we all ready? Push my companions!

All: (grunts, heaves, etc.)
Brian: Hey! Hey, it's the ten of hearts! Hello? Is this part of the trick? Hello?

Announcer: And so our heroes have persevered yet again! But is Pretty Big City safe from crime and twisted evil schemes? Will our heroes get the leisure time that America has taken for granted? Will I get said leisure time? I mean I work hard for a living. You'd think I'd get some time off with the family (Start to fade) But no! Weekly schedule, they say! Be a team player, they say! Well I for one am completely fed up! They won't have me to kick around forever, you know! I'm not without friends in this business...

roll credits
Part I | Part II