"Blue Sunshine Cereal"|
The Recording Script
(A jaunty Irish jig plays in the background)
Written and directed by Christopher Bahn|
Originally broadcast on KUOM-AM.
Leprechaun; Kid; Mother; Announcer
This fake commercial is a short bit I wrote to fill in an episode that wasn't long enough. "Blue Sunshine" is a reference to a horror movie in which ex-hippies are driven psychotic by flashbacks from a particularly bad batch of LSD. Seemed appropriate. For "Enamelovely," see "Jules & K, Stanza II: Communication Breakdown."
Leprechaun: Hello, me little munchkinsit's Dennis the Leprechaun, here to tell you all about all-new Blue Sunshine cereal.
Kid: Hi, Dennis! Boy, that looks yummy!
Leprechaun: Oh, it's a scrumptious treatand we guarantee that Blue Sunshine won't be like any other cereal you've ever had..
Kid: How come, Dennis?
Leprechaun: Y'see, me lad, Blue Sunshine is the only cereal fortified with 100 percent of the body's daily requirement of lysergic acid diethylamide, and topped with the choicest, tastiest granules of pure peyote. Here, try a bite.
Kid: I dunno, Dennis...
Leprechaun: Ah, c'mon, kid, it won't kill you.
Kid: But it smells!
Leprechaun: Listen, you little varmint, we're supposed to be selling this stuff.
Kid: What are these black things? They look like bugs.
Leprechaun: They're marshmallows. Now, if ye won't take a bit o' me cereal, I'll have to do it meself. (Forces down a distasteful gulp) Aaaaah. It's got a taste o' purest goldan' a kick like a mule.
Kid: Dennis, you don't look so good.
Leprechaun: Nonsense, kid. I'm fine. (suddenly shrieks) Aaaaaaaaagh! Look out! I'm being attacked by pink heartspurple horseshoesand giant rats! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh! Get them off me! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaagh!
Kid: Mommy! Dennis is frothing, and I think he's having some kind of seizure!
Mother: Get away from that leprechaun, Jimmy. You don't know where he's been.
Leprechaun: Get the rats away!
Announcer: That's Blue Sunshine cereal, from the makers of Enamelovely brand toothpaste.