"Daves of Our Lives" The Recording Script • Written and directed by Christopher Bahn • From episode 2 of the radiodrama series Where Threads Come Loose (originally episode 3 of 1997 Edition) • Originally broadcast on KUOM-AM. Cast: • Dave 1: Christopher Bahn • Dave 2: Griffin Lund • Announcer: Tony Pagel Author's Notes • This, like all the shorter sketches, fill in an episode that came in underlong (in this case, the first of the Jules & K stories). Announcer: And now, Where Threads Come Loose brings you another installment of "Daves of Our Lives," the continuing saga of the inhabitants of Davesville, Ohio, a quiet little town seething underneath with intrigue and romance, and where by pure coincidence every single person has the first name of Dave. Let's join today's episode, already in progress. Like Sams in an hourglass, these are the Daves of our lives...  Dave 1: Dave! Dave 2: Dave! Hello! Dave 1: How have you been? Dave 2: Fine. You? Dave 1: Can't complain. How's Dave? Dave 2: Oh, he's fine. Say, did you hear what happened to Dave? Dave 1: The car accident? Dave 2: No, that was Dave. Dave 1: Oh, you mean the kidnapping then. Dave 2: No... That was the other Dave. They caught him recently, you know. He had Dave tiedup-- Dave 1: Who did? Dave 2: Dave did. Dave had the other Dave tied up in an old abandoned warehouse. He said he was going to kill him if Dave didn't send $50,000 right away. Dave 1: Wait, back up. Dave had the other Dave tied up? Dave 2: Yes, that's right.  Dave 1: Then who was supposed to send the money? Dave 2: The other other Dave. Dave with the money. Dave 1: Oh, I see. So what happened? Dave 2: Well, Dave -- the tied-up Dave -- he gets free. He had a David Bowie knife in his pocket, you see. Dave 1: Hey, quick thinking! Dave 2: Well, that's our Dave. So he cuts himself free, and then he hides in the warehouse until Dave comes back, and then he jumped on him and fought Dave with his fists.  Dave 1: Which Dave? The kidnapper? Dave 2: Well, that's who he was thinking would come back. Dave 1: And that's not who did? Dave 2: No. Dave did. Dave 1: (incredulous) Dave? Dave 2: Yes, Dave! Dave 1: Dave-with-the-money Dave? Dave 2: No, the other other Dave. Dave the policeman, always dashing around rescuing people and doing heroic things. Dave 1: Oh, Brave Dave. Dave 2: Right. Well, Brave Dave is no coward when it comes to a fight, even a surprise like the one Dave gives him. Dave 1: If Dave gave Brave Dave a close shave, Brave Dave won't cave. Dave 2: Not Brave Dave. He craves a close shave. Dave 1: One day, Brave Dave who won't cave will be gave a close shave that waves him down to an early grave. Dave 2: Too true. But Brave Dave wasn't here for a close shave, an early grave, or a craven cave. Dave 1: Not Brave Dave. Dave 2: No wave. Brave Dave came to save Dave.  Dave 1: But Dave saved Dave. Dave gave Brave Dave no need to save Dave. Dave 2: No, he didn't. But Dave did. Dave 1: Dave-with-the-money Dave? Dave 2: No, Depraved Dave, the kidnapper. He came back, and Depraved Dave gave Brave Dave a wave with his fave wooden stave. Dave 1: You mean, staff? Dave 2: Stave, I sez. Play along. Dave 1: So he clubbed him? Dave 2: You got it. Depraved Dave caved in the top of Brave Dave's pate. Dave 1: Doesn't rhyme. Dave 2: Sue me.  Dave 1: So Brave Dave couldn't save Dave? Depraved Dave's fave stave waved and caved Brave Dave. Dave 2: Yeah. And Dave was sad, because Depraved Dave raved that he'd pave over Brave Dave's grave.  Dave 1: Tough luck. Brave Dave gave flavor to Dave's life. Brave Dave was Dave's fave. Dave 2: Oh, really? Were they... Dave 1: No, just happy. Dave 2: Ah. Well, anyway, Brave Dave had the last laugh. Dave 1: What? What about the staving Depraved Dave gave Brave Dave? Dave 2: Brave Dave won't go to his grave from one wave of a stave. Dave 1: What nerve! Dave 2: Now who's not rhyming? Dave 1: On with the story. Dave 2: Right. So Brave Dave was saved from his grave. Brave Dave's had worse shaves, and he's nave?er caved.  Dave 1: Brave Dave don't cave. Dave 2: No, sir! Brave Dave gave Depraved Dave a wave of his own stave! Depraved Dave was concave. Dave 1: Brave Dave gave Depraved Dave a wave to the grave. Dave 2: Yep.  Dave 1: Well, that's certainly interesting. But you never told me what happened to Dave. Dave 2: Which Dave? Dave 1: I don't know. Dave 2: Not Dave who was in the car accident? Dave 1: No, we'd ruled him out already. Dave 2: Oh. Too bad. There's an interesting story there. Dave 1: I'll bet. Is it about Dave? Dave 2: Yes, but not that one. Dave 1: Which one? Dave 2: The other Dave again.  Dave 1: The other other Dave? Dave 2: Yes.  Dave 1: What about him? Dave 2: He changed his name. Dave 1: No! Dave 2: It's true! Dave's name is now Melvin. Dave 1: How could he do such a thing! Dave 2: You have a problem with it? Dave 1: Well, of course! It's going to confuse people!  (SFX: The "wa-wa-waaaa" cornet sting that comes after a corny joke) Announcer: Join us for the next installment of "Daves of Our Lives," when Dave says... Dave 1: Say, Dave, I bought a baseball team. Dave 2: Oh, really? Who's your first baseman? Dave 1: That's right. Dave 2: I'm sorry, who? Dave 1: Yes, Who's my first baseman. Dave 2: Oh, shut up.